Am I Strong?

Today I received an email from my father. Being the southern gentleman he is, he routinely sends emails full of encouraging words.  But today he touched on an idea that has been gnawing at me for quite some time.

He mentioned that we all face difficult times in our lives, but that I seem to face more than most.

I'm inclined to agree with him because these past 5 or 6 years have been quite the roller-coaster ride.

Thinking of all the bad times I've had made me think of the notion of strength - whether I have it and if I do, where it comes from.

I don't mean the redneck stereotype of strength - I'm not going to be drinking Natural Light and heading to a NASCAR race to prove myself any time soon.

As funny as it is, I think I will pass.

I'm talking about inner strength.

I have always thought of myself as a very strong person, but lately I've started to wonder if that is true or if I am just tricking myself.

During difficult times my internal commentary tends to go something like this:

"You are strong. You will consider the other person's feelings. You will act properly. You will not disgrace your family name by acting out in any way. Did you run the dishwasher today? I digress. You are strong."

Besides the fact that I talk to myself like Martha Stewart impersonating a drill sergeant, the issue I find is that I seem to be convincing myself that I am strong, rather than actually being strong.

Southern culture is similar to Asian culture in the need for honoring the family name. So I think I feel an added pressure to be strong because I know that my lineage is steeped in strength.

I come from good stock. The women in my family are unbelievably strong.

So am I strong or have I just southern mind tricked myself into believing I am?

Well bless my heart, because I have no idea.