The southern belle card

I have noticed a running trend at my workplace. Whenever I need to negotiate with external people (sometimes internal people as well) my boss and I agree that I should pull the southern belle card.

Sweet, southern belles. How can you say no to that?

This, of course, meaning that I thicken up the proper part of my accent and raise my voice by an octave - something I have been perfecting since my childhood. 

Oh, and batting my eyelashes is a crucial part of the process. This must be done as though the person on the other end of the phone can actually see you. Quit laughing. I'm serious - It actually helps create the persona.

But today, I outdid myself. To the delight of my boss, I managed to successfully become the snarky southern belle.

That's right. I was the southern belle's antithesis while also being the southern belle. And I got my way.

Could I do again? Probably not. Am I even sure how I did it? Not at all. Am I super proud? Absolutely.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Southern belles can be snarky and sassy. And I agree, but usually when you're trying to play the southern belle card, you don't incorporate anything except pristine, sweet femininity.

Snarky doesn't fall in that category.

Bless my heart, this was a one time performance!

The economic accent

After my last post about the difference in accents I got into a very interesting discussion with a friend from Pennsylvania about regional accents. She was asking me about different parts of North and South Carolina and whether I could tell a difference.

As a general rule the answer was yes. What can I say? I'm the Rain Man of southern dialects.

However, the whole discussion got me thinking about how different dialects can be even within a single town. And that's when it hit me.

Accents and affluence are incredibly interconnected.

I really began to notice this when I moved to Savannah. The only people I have heard speak with a genuine low country accent have been very affluent and highly educated or cultured.

In The Notebook, Lon was from old southern money and his accent reflected it.

Back home, the people who tend to speak with a redneck accent also tend to not have very much money, traditional education (grammar, math, geography, etc.) or culture.

I'm going to bet that this gentleman speaks a different dialect than ol' Lon Hammond.

This is, of course, a generalization, but it has been my experience that accents follow money. The more affluent the person, the more pristine and proper the accent.

Just a little food for thought.

But then again, bless my heart, I'm highly traditionally educated and my accent does not exactly reflect that circumstance.

The perfect accent

I recently encountered a woman who has the perfect Southern accent. She's a Savannah, Georgia native and, with impressive finesse, drops the letter "r" in any word possible. Love it!

My own accent lacks the sugary sweetness of hers. When I say "bless your heart" people assume I'm being rude (which usually isn't a bad assumption), but when she says "bless your heart" people assume she's being sincere (although I'm not sure they should).

I've made many friends in Savannah who aren't from the South and I always have to give the high country versus low country talk. Most people genuinely don't realize there is a difference in dialect and accent.

Wrong.

I managed to find a couple YouTube videos to demonstrate the difference. The first one is a girl potentially from my own hometown in North Carolina. Her accent is genuine and very representative of our accent.

The second video is of a woman giving tips on how to do a deep southern accent (think Scarlett O'Hara). I apologize in advance because she sounds like an idiot and her accent is clearly fake. However, after much searching and little reward, this is the best I could find. You'll get the gist of it.

If you didn't know the difference in accents, then bless your heart I hope you learned something today. And yes, your assumption is correct -- I meant that "bless your heart" to be snarky.

Hollar? No, Hauler!

I apologize fair readers for neglecting my blog for so long, but I come to you today with a heavy heart and sad news.

Living in Savannah is causing me to lose my southernness - well, my ability to understand Southern speak anyway... let's not get carried away here.

Allow me to offer you an example. I felt like a Northerner - no offense to any Northern readers - because on my most recent trip home, my own sister had to explain herself.

My Sister: "We had a great time at the [NASCAR] race last weekend."
Me: "Oh yeah? That's great!"
Sister: "On the way out we saw all the haulers!"
Me: "I didn't know Charlotte [North Carolina] had hollars?"
Sister: "No, not hollars as in hollows or places to live, but haulers as in the trucks that carry the race cars from race to race."
Me: "Oh. So there was a 'u' in that word?"
Sister: "I guess. You know I'm a bad speller."

Kasey Kahne's Hauler.

Loretta Lynn's Holler (It's usually spelled with an 'e' in areas such as Kentucky).

You see? I've lost it. At any other time in my life that conversation would have gone very differently.

I've lost the ability to interpret mispronounced/dropped vowels. That's essentially the basis for all Southern language.

What will become of me?

On this saddest of days, the only heart that needs blessing is my own. So bless my heart, I sure hope I can regain my Southern translation abilities or I will surely perish.

Allow me to translate...

Well actually I'm not going to be able to fully translate, but I will give it my best guess.

I have noticed that the words southern, country and redneck tend to be considered synonymous and while I am guilty of doing this as well, they are all very different words.

So for better or worse, here is how I interpret each of these words.

Southern
This word to me first and foremost denotes a person who lives in the South. Groundbreaking detective work, right? But the other assumption I usually make is that a southern person is from a confederate state, which is not always the case. There are many so-called southern states, like Kentucky, that fly the rebel flag like the war was yesterday but who never actually seceded and joined the confederacy.

Country
To me, a country person is one that lives off the beaten path, outside of the city and embraces the idea of being away from the hustle and bustle. Country people tend to have a very particular set of values and don't put as much emphasis on material wealth.

Redneck
This is the big word that people toss around like it doesn't have specific connotations. It does. Amidst all my kind-hearted jokes, I feel that the word redneck implies a person that is ignorant. Redneck is the word that makes me angrier than anything else. Call me country, call me southern, but do not call me redneck. I can joke and call myself that because some of my kin are redneck. But you can't call me that. Mainly because I'm not ignorant or a redneck, but also because it's a rude word in essence.

If you think about it, the word redneck is always used in jest. So consider that the next time you want to make a redneck joke.

So there you have it. My definitions of southern, country and redneck.

Bless your heart, if any of these definitions came as a surprise to you then I hope you never get into a linguistic battle with a redneck. You will surely lose.

One foot out the door

From the moment I drove across Talmadge Bridge I've had one foot and half my heart out the door, already speeding up I-95 toward North Carolina.

Ah. Western North Carolina.

I've never really been away from home, thus the transition has been that much more difficult. My undergrad years were spent roughly an hour from my childhood home, so naturally I drove home on a really regular basis.

I can't exactly do that now that I'm a solid 4.5 hours away. And I'm tired of missing out on everything that happens at home.

In the North Carolina foothills, the Blue Ridge Mountains keep an ever-watchful eye on the land at their base - farmland, lakes and a lot of trailer parks. The beauty is unmistakable.

You had to know this picture would reappear eventually.

But what I really miss is being myself without question.

In Savannah I feel like I need a translator. I have to tone down my southernisms, my accent - essentially my whole personality - because very few people understand it.

And before you protest, yes I know it's hard to believe that this is the toned down version of myself.

Therefore, I am going to share a collection of my favorite phrases that tend to confuse people the most.

"I get it honest"
This little gem is used on an extremely regular basis at home. It's easier to explain in context, so here is a sample version of the proper usage.
"You are terrible with directions, just like your momma."
"At least I get it honest."
This phrase tends to be applicable in any situation regarding inherited traits from family.

"God's plenty"
An oldie but a goodie, I use this phrase daily, regardless of the ridicule I receive. Again, in context is easier, so here goes:
"Do you have enough food for 4 people?"
"Of course we do. We've got a God's plenty."
It just means there is a lot of something, because God always made sure there was enough.

"Quit being ugly"
This is a very simple phrase, but for the sake of consistency I will use it in context.
"She's such a mean person and she's kind of fat, bless her heart."
"Quit being ugly!"
This is used to essentially say "stop being mean."

See? It isn't so complicated.

Bless your heart, if you keep reading this blog you'll be throwing around southernisms and NASCAR lingo like you just came off the farm!

So about this whole southern thing

As I've mentioned before, I spent the majority of my life oblivious to the fact that I was southern. I just thought I was normal.

Obviously I neglected how differently we do things (or say things) where I'm from - and tomorrow might just epitomize those differences.

Strange things happen in the south.

In the morning I have to give a presentation for one of my classes and the topic essentially revolves around rednecks, moonshine and the redneck dialect.

If it helps, this is the topic of my presentation.

People keep encouraging me to read some of the dialogue I wrote, but even though I chose the topic I am very weary of speaking in my natural dialect.

My insecurities with my accent stem back many moons ago to a time when I first realized I was different.

But as a side note I would like to mention that people like my brother-in-law think it's hilarious when people think I have an accent or am a redneck, because compared to him...

This was Thanksgiving 2008 at my brother-in-law's house.
Does this paint a picture for you about my comparable lack of redneckness?

Once I got into undergrad my accent became a daily topic of discussion. What I said, how I said it, my mannerisms while I said - every part of my life was picked apart constantly.

I became incredibly self-conscious about my southern attributes. For a while I even feigned a northern accent, can you imagine? And no, it did not go well.

But since I knew I could always anticipate that type of playful criticism (well not always playful) I began to play up my southernness.

I suppose I was essentially trying to beat everyone to the punch. So I would thicken my accent or discuss true, but unnecessary examples of my southernness.

But to this day when southern stereotypes are placed on me, even when I bring them on myself, I still feel a little tug on my heartstrings.

I'm proud of my accent, but I don't want to be perceived as ignorant, racist or dumb. As soon as I hear my accent thicken up all I can think is "lordy be, they're gonna think the dumb redneck has come to town."

See? So easy to go wrong.

I'm proud of my heritage, but I'm always nervous about the thin line between people being fascinated and people being condescending or just plain mean.

But bless your heart if you ever catch me when my accent is thick... you won't understand a blame word.

You Don't Talk Good

Each and every part of my life is touched by southern tradition, from the way I speak to the way I present myself.

I have so much pride in where I'm from, but I'm also not immune to the stereotypes associated with the region, its people and particularly our southern speak.

People make many assumptions about the south including, but certainly not limited to:

• A thick mountain accent = low intelligence
• Wearing cut-off shirts that promote guns and gun accessories = racist NASCAR fan
• Flying a rebel flag = ignorant redneck
• A sugary sweet low country accent = rich snob

That pretty much sums up my sentiments.

These stereotypes can do one of two things.

1. Make someone even prouder of their culture or almost spiteful. Example: "You think I'm redneck? You just wait, I will show you redneck!"
2. Make someone ashamed of their culture. Example: Me when I was 18 years old.

Until I left for college, I had never given a second thought to the fact that I was southern. It was just a part of my core, not some accessory I considered putting on each morning.

But the first week of undergrad changed everything for me.

I was talking to a friend who happened to not be from the south. He was looking at me funny so I stopped talking.

He said, "You sound so uncivilized when you speak. Are you stupid?"

After that, I was always self-conscious of my accent. Don't get me wrong, I love my accent, but there are many situations when I will purposely tone it down to ensure an incident like that never happens again.

I think my accent, and the southern accent in general, is beautiful. I am proud of what each word represents, because each word, no matter how redneck or nonsensical*, represents a part of my heritage.

However, I am an intelligent person and I never want to give someone an unjust reason to believe I am anything else. Like wearing blue jeans to a job interview - it's all about how you present yourself.

With all that said, I was very entertained the other day when I mentioned to a friend that I do, in fact, tone down my accent, especially at school.  Let's be honest, art school kids and rednecks aren't really on the same page linguistically.

Me: "Yea, I almost always tone down my accent."

Her: "Like right now? 

Me: "Yea, why?"

Her: "Wow."

And here I thought I was flying under the radar... bless my heart!

Examples of nonsensical southern words I use almost daily:

• Airish (Example: It's a bit airish outside today.)
• Directly (Example: I'm running to the store, be back directly.)
• Mess (in terms of amounts) (Example: I just bought me a mess of sweet taters.)
• Fixin' (verb) (Example: I'm fixin' to run to town. Yuns need anything?)
• Settin' (Example: I was settin' in that chair.)

How Do You Spell That?

I've lived in the south my entire life.  So, when I made the move from North Carolina to Savannah, Georgia I assumed I would fit right in.  It's called the "hostess city of the south" for God's sake.  What better place for a member of the southern brethren to maintain some anonymity.

Nope.  I stick out like a sore thumb.

I failed to calculate the amount of transplants living in Savannah.  Add to that the sheer number of tourists on any given day and I'm lucky if I can locate a native southerner.  My plan failed.  Now more than ever, I spend the majority of my time explaining my southern-ness.  The questions, along with the confused expressions, never stop.

Why do you bless everyone's hearts?
What the heck is a buggy?
Why does your accent make me want to listen to banjo music?
Your family has its own moonshiner?!... Wait, what's moonshine?

The most common thing I hear is "You should write a book about all the weird southern phrases you say.  They're hilarious!" Well, Jeff Foxworthy beat me to the punch on that, but there is no reason I can't finally appease my obvious northern (or non-southern) fan base and continue on a more applicable route.

I can imagine that this all sounds very tribal, very "we hate outsiders," but for me the south is a place where I can speak the native language and not be asked, "How do you spell that?"  No matter how many vowels I add or consonants I ignore, a true southerner will always be able to understand me.  So it's not a matter of exclusion, just convenience I suppose.