Am I Strong?

Today I received an email from my father. Being the southern gentleman he is, he routinely sends emails full of encouraging words.  But today he touched on an idea that has been gnawing at me for quite some time.

He mentioned that we all face difficult times in our lives, but that I seem to face more than most.

I'm inclined to agree with him because these past 5 or 6 years have been quite the roller-coaster ride.

Thinking of all the bad times I've had made me think of the notion of strength - whether I have it and if I do, where it comes from.

I don't mean the redneck stereotype of strength - I'm not going to be drinking Natural Light and heading to a NASCAR race to prove myself any time soon.

As funny as it is, I think I will pass.

I'm talking about inner strength.

I have always thought of myself as a very strong person, but lately I've started to wonder if that is true or if I am just tricking myself.

During difficult times my internal commentary tends to go something like this:

"You are strong. You will consider the other person's feelings. You will act properly. You will not disgrace your family name by acting out in any way. Did you run the dishwasher today? I digress. You are strong."

Besides the fact that I talk to myself like Martha Stewart impersonating a drill sergeant, the issue I find is that I seem to be convincing myself that I am strong, rather than actually being strong.

Southern culture is similar to Asian culture in the need for honoring the family name. So I think I feel an added pressure to be strong because I know that my lineage is steeped in strength.

I come from good stock. The women in my family are unbelievably strong.

So am I strong or have I just southern mind tricked myself into believing I am?

Well bless my heart, because I have no idea.

Grudge? No, just sweep it under the rug.

Let's be honest. Southerners love to hold grudges, especially southern women.

We could make it an Olympic sport and win gold every time -- it would be a nice compliment to our honorary gold medal in "sweeping it under the rug."

But I've decided (cover your eyes if you're a southern woman) that I don't like to hold grudges. Too much work.

Don't get me wrong, I will still sweep every unpleasantry directly under my rug, but grudges aren't my style unless there is an exceptionally good reason.

Makes me feel better about my own rug.

No offense to grudge-holders, but I don't care if Bobby-Sue down at the Shoney's forgot to give you extra mayonnaise for your fries. Just don't go back, it doesn't have to become WWIII between you and every Shoney's in the piedmont triad.

Forget the eggs! We need mayonnaise!

From Bobby-Sue's mayonnaise debacle to Aunt Mary forgetting someone's birthday, I've spent years watching family and friends waste away under the weight of grudges and it just seems silly.

We are a church-going people. So what reason could anyone possibly have for going against God's wishes for forgiveness?

Personally, I find solace on the high road, leaving all my personal baggage behind and traveling light.

There is something so comforting about forgiving a person for a wrong they've committed. By doing so, you enable them to forgive others and so on and so forth.

Yep. Grudges aren't worth the hassle, but don't lift up my rug -- you never know what's been swept under there.

If you are a grudge-holder, bless your heart, you look a little tense.

Gangstagrass?

I recently became incredibly intrigued by the FX show, Justified. To clarify, by 'intrigued' I mean that I watched almost the entire first season in one night.

The show itself is great. Timothy Olyphant plays Raylan Givens, a badass U.S. Marshall who moves back to his native Harlan, Kentucky to help rid the town of criminal organizations. Add to that lots of shooting, tight jeans and awesome cowboy hats and you can imagine why I was so easily hooked.

But ironically, it wasn't the tight jeans and cowboy hats that caught my attention, although they certainly didn't lose my attention.

The attention grabber was the theme song or, more specifically, the band's name: Gangstagrass.

These New York boys, along with their Brooklyn producer, Rench, have created a whole new genre of music that combines authentic bluegrass with rap to create a very unique sound.

Well, it might not be considered a whole new genre. Around 2006, Cowboy Troy came out with his version which was "Hick-Hop," but that was more rap mixed with country music rather than bluegrass.

But technicalities aside, I think the best part about this genre of music is that it is a perfect representation of southern progressiveness. Accepting this type of music is the south's way of progressing, or at least I think it is.

So, for me, seeing rap successfully mixed with country or bluegrass music shows a move in the right direction. A combining of passions and histories.

Bless Gangstagrass's hearts!

Relax... Equal Relationships are a Good Thing

I've spent the better part of a lifetime assuming that as a southern woman it would be my place to take care of everything. From the kids (if there are any) to the household to my husband, it seemed natural for everything to be my responsibility.

Every southern woman I've ever known has operated in this manner.

I wasn't bothered by that looming future and it never occurred to me that it didn't have to be that way.

As southern women, we're taught these qualities from birth. I could host a dinner party in my sleep.

But I guess the idea of an equal relationship had never dawned on me as a realistic possibility. All of my past relationships have followed this standard, so I just took it at face value.

Men drink beer and watch sports. Women drink beer and clean the house while cooking dinner and doing laundry. Typical, right?

I was ready.

But now I'm realizing that southern relationships aren't unequal.  I just hadn't seen (or looked for) the other side of the relationship, the side where the man takes equal responsibility and takes care of his woman.

In my mind, I was going to be June Cleaver (yes, especially because of the cute 1950s wardrobe).

Yes, my children will have spotless rooms without me prompting them to clean.

But after meeting a very special person recently, I've begun to see the beauty of an equal relationship.

I can still be June Cleaver, I just have to let Ward help me sometimes.

This can be me, if I allow myself the opportunity.

I now understand that it's okay to let someone take care of me for a change. I don't always have to be an over-prepared, type A personality. I can relax and the world, or my relationship, will not fall apart.

This has been an incredibly liberating experience thus far.

Bless the hearts of every southern woman who feels the need to do everything by herself. Get a maid and eat a piece of cheesecake, you'll feel better.

I Like My Women Big

"We're gonna have to fatten you up."

Regardless of the Daisy Duke fantasies and June Cleaver standards, southern men typically like their women bigger. Not obese, but a real woman with hips and thighs.

However, there is a running trend in my county that when a girl gets a shiny ring on her left hand she subsequently gains 20-50 pounds around her waist (depending on the size of the ring of course).

That's a big ring...

Now, I have no concrete statistics to support my thoughts, but I think southern men like their women bigger for security reasons.

Once they fatten us up, where are we going to go?

So, you might ask, why would God-fearing, bible belt men be weary of their women straying? 

Well, I'm glad you asked, but I have no idea.

I researched statistics expecting to find frightening increases in the divorce rate or decreases in religious adherents, but I found no such thing.

In fact, my findings were fairly neutral.

In North Carolina, the divorce rate has increased, but only by around 2,000 people, which would equal less than one percent.

The number of religious adherents, mostly southern baptist (shocking, right?), has increased, but not in proportion to the population growth.

So with a barely increased divorce rate and a mildly decreased percentage of religious adherents, why are southerners so insecure about relationships?

Why do southern men feel the need to fatten up their women?

We are supposed to be the land of religious values and strong families. What is happening to us?

What is causing us to let our roots fall by the wayside and our insecurities to take center stage?

I wish I knew and I wish this was a new phenomenon.

Bless their hearts, maybe southern men just like real women and that's all there is to it.

Who are your people?

For southerners, everything is about people and connections, but not in the modern-day sense.

For us, it is about knowing where we belong within our culture, and we accomplish this by knowing all the branches of every family tree of every person we've ever met.

That is why 75 percent of my phone calls and texts consist of someone from home graciously updating me on new connections and new people (a.k.a. who's pregnant and who got married... usually in that order).

The conversations aren't short either.

Perhaps we're just nosey, but I think it's more than that.

I think that since the Civil War southerners have struggled to find their identity outside of stereotypes.

So all we know to do is check with everyone around us and see what they are doing so we know how to proceed.

We have such a rich heritage, but we're told that we should be ashamed of our history. People forget that the south did more than have slaves.

We gave the world Dolly Parton. You're welcome.

We gave the world Daisy Dukes. You're welcome.

Last, but certainly not least, we gave the world NASCAR. You're really welcome.

See? The south has given plenty of things to the world besides slavery, oppression and years of turmoil.

Yet, southerners still aren't sure of their place in the world.

Personally, I think part of the reason southern women are taught to be so demure is that we aren't really sure how we are supposed to be.

Southern belles are too reminiscent of the antebellum south and gun-toting trashy white girls are too reminiscent of... well, gun-toting trashy white girls.

Antebellum

This isn't a girl, but it summed it up.

But for a southerner, no stereotype will hurt our feelings until someone speaks about our upbringing or our people. Then we take it personal, because if we are anything we are raised well.

It has been brought to my attention that since I moved to Savannah I have overused the phrase "They just weren't raised right." And I will defend every use.

What can I say? Southern women can spot a bad apple from a mile away.

So bless your heart if your momma raised you right! And if she didn't, then really bless your heart...

A Day in the Country

Just when I thought I would never feel at home in Savannah, I found the hidden jewel of Effingham County.

Now to say I found it would be inaccurate. I was actually taken there by my boyfriend, his brother and their father. Add to the mix their redneck friend, who reminded me of every person I ever loved in my hometown, and you can tell we were a lively bunch - toting guns no less.

Now, you may ask, why in the world would my boyfriend randomly take me to the country with guns?  Well, I'm glad you asked.

He took me for two reasons:

1. He knew I was suffocating in the city
2. He knew about my love of guns

Driving out to Effingham County from downtown Savannah, I was instantly flooded with nostalgia and happiness when I began to see run-down houses, empty fields and a lot of redneck memorabilia. It was like I could breath again.

No this is not Effingham County. But it could be.

There is something about being in the country, especially when you are with great southern people, that just makes life better.

Except that now I desperately want my concealed weapons permit.  And I desperately want the little .380 pistol I tried out! 

A gun that will fit in my clutch purse (roughly the size of my hand).  So cute!

I also think it's important to note that we did not go to a gun range. We went to a person's backyard to shoot. It was just like being at home!

The trip to Effingham County taught me that no matter where you are, you can always find a piece of home if you look hard enough

Bless the hearts of my boyfriend and his family for showing me that little slice of heaven.

True Life: I'm an Old Maid

People have told me my entire life that I act older than my age or that I am an old soul.

Every once in a while, I have the startling realization that they are right, but lately I've been wondering if it's a good thing or not.

From the time I was 16 years old (give or take) I've acted like I was a young adult. And now that I am a young adult I think I have progressed to acting like a middle-aged woman stuck in the body of a 23-year-old.

I'm not going to say that I grew up quickly because I am southern, but, okay, maybe that is what I'm saying.

Women in the south are held to such high standards from the moment we are born. We have to be good wives, good housekeepers and good mothers, and we have to be intelligent (well, not always) and dainty, but still sturdy.

How is a woman supposed to be a child with those standards looming overhead?

Oh and did I mention that we're expected to be all of those things by our early 20s?

Raini, 18,  was featured on MTV's True Life: I'm a Southern Belle

As investigated in this episode, there are plenty of modern-day southern women that still feel this pressure.

I am one of them.

Where I'm from I might as well be an old maid, because I am 23 and unmarried with no shiny engagement rings in my near future.

In the south, I might as well be the old lady with cats, except I hate cats.

Now I'm not saying that every woman is raised that way and it is certainly less intense in the new south, but in our culture there is always going to be this underlying dialogue about whether we (women) fit our gender role. This goes for men too.

So now that I'm in Savannah, which for me does not seem southern at all, I might take a break from being an old maid and allow myself to be 23 and carefree.

If you're an unmarried young southern woman, bless your heart, we're riding a rough road.

Woman's Work

Growing up I always heard my uncle's say to the women in our family, "Go get in the kitchen and do your gotdamn woman's work."

Typical.

Even though they were joking, I always felt like there was a certain level of truth or sincerity to what they said and how the women, myself included, would obey their taunt.

While I certainly agree that women deserve equal rights on all accounts, I guess I'm old-fashioned in my gender-role mentality.

As a southern woman, I feel that once I am married it is my job to take care of the house, my husband and my family, while also having a career if I so choose, and I will choose to have a career.

So with all that said, you might ask, what exactly is the role of the woman in a southern household?  Well, I'm glad you asked.

Southern women (the good ones anyway) are raised to be the backbone of the southern family. It's been that way since the beginning of our culture and it won't be changing anytime soon, at least not for me.

But thinking about my role as a woman taking care of the household also made me wonder exactly what woman's work is in comparison to man's work.

Here's what I came up with.

• Indoor cooking (woman's work); outdoor grilling (man's work)
• Emptying garbage (man's work); putting in a fresh trash bag (woman's work)
• Use of any power tool or ladder (Man's work); clean-up of any project involving said items (woman's work)
• Care of the children, especially poppy diapers (woman's work); playing with the child when it is not pooping, crying, eating, throwing up, etc. (man's work)
• Putting on fresh bed linens (woman's work); making said bed linens dirty (man's work)
• Hosting a dinner party (woman's work); pouring an after dinner glass of moonshine/whiskey (man's work)
• Never pooping, farting, burping or having any bodily functions (woman's work); continuous farting, burping, pooping or bodily functions of any sort, even imitations (man's work)

For all the southern men out there who didn't marry a well-trained southern woman, bless your heart, it's going to be a rough life!

The Unholy Trinity

I'm sure that to most people the idea of being happy is often a reasonable goal. And most people know how to be content when they find it.

Not southerners.

The burden of southern history weighs on the shoulders of each true southern person whether they choose it or not. It's a product of our past and a signal of our future.

It's not just a phrase; it's also a famous book.

So, you may ask, what is this burden and why won't it go away?  Well I'm glad you asked.

The burden of southern history is a mixture of many things, mostly events, but, for me, its most prominent manifestation comes in the form of a phrase - The Unholy Trinity of Southern History - coined by southern liberal writer, Lillian Smith.

The unholy trinity of southern history is:

1. White supremacy
2. Worship of white women
3. Evangelical religion

Each of these has its own story and its own set of problems (more on those later). But the essence is that because of the wrongs southerners committed, or refuse to admit we committed, we have a hard time letting go of our guilt, anger and shame.

That makes it difficult to ever be satisfied. Or happy.

But let me be clear, this is not the burden of every southerner. Just some.

I used to believe this wasn't true, but now, after studying southern history pretty extensively, I'm not sure that it isn't true.

If I look at my own life, all of the issues I can't let go of are usually traced back to the unholy trinity in some form.

Examples:

• Dichotomy of gender roles in the south -- Worship of white women (southern belles)
• Issues with religion -- Evangelical religion
• Being from a racist county -- White supremacy

I can be proud of my roots while still questioning their history. Maybe one day the south will come to terms with its history.

Until then, I will continue to question, research and pray until I can find peace between my roots and my beliefs.

This post was created for a reason. Tomorrow is April 12, 2011... the 150th anniversary of the beginning of the War between the States. That weight's feeling heavier and heavier.

Bless the hearts of all the southerners still carrying the burden of southern history - it's not a light load.

God Bless the Rednecks

I went to undergrad at Lees-McRae College in the mountains of western North Carolina. At a Lees-McRae graduation ceremony decades before I was student, the keynote speaker eloquently said,

"Through the years you will hear the whisper.  It will blow down the Elk River and through these pines, among the mountains, to the highways wherever we are.  It will always be the same message for us, the message from Lees-McRae... it will say, ‘come back, come back.'"

Whenever I hear that quote it reminds me of how much I miss the mountains and North Carolina. Sometimes I feel the pull so strongly that it's like I can hear those words being whispered in my ear.

Home is definitely a feeling for me, but I don't think I ever appreciated North Carolina when I lived there. 

I've been displaced from my roots for more than 6 months and it hasn't become any easier. I'm now realizing all the things I love about the people, the state and, more importantly, the feeling I get when I drive home and catch the first glimpse of a North Carolina farm, a redneck with a mullet or super fancy trailer park.

Oh, home.  How I miss you.

Upscale Trailer Park. Hehe.

That may sound redneck and crazy to you, but it's all about pride. I know my roots and I know my people. For better or worse, God bless 'em, they're mine.

Haha.  Oh rednecks.

So, you might ask, what makes all this worthy of pride?  Well I'm glad you asked.

I think that instead of an explanation, perhaps I will just name a few things I found on a hilarious webpage called "You know you're from North Carolina if..." You never know, after reading this you may want to convert to the redneck religion - so proceed with caution.

You Know You're From North Carolina If...

1. Most of the men in town consider the first day of deer season a national holiday
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waitin' to pass a tractor on the highway
3. You skipped school to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service
4. You know a bunch of people who have hit a deer or a bear
5. Brown Liquor is a household staple
6. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals
7. All the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or tobacco
8. You put security lights on your house and your garage and leave both of them unlocked
9. You think the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jello salad with marshmallows
10. You know what "cow tipping" is.
11. You say, “it don’t” instead of “it doesn’t.”
12. At least one of your female relatives has dipped snuff.
13. Your luxury car is a 4x4
14. “Onced” and “twiced” are words.
15. It ain't the Civil War, its the War of Northern Aggression

Bless your heart, I bet your bags are already packed and ready to move to North Carolina. Well we'd be just plum tickled to have ya!

You Don't Talk Good

Each and every part of my life is touched by southern tradition, from the way I speak to the way I present myself.

I have so much pride in where I'm from, but I'm also not immune to the stereotypes associated with the region, its people and particularly our southern speak.

People make many assumptions about the south including, but certainly not limited to:

• A thick mountain accent = low intelligence
• Wearing cut-off shirts that promote guns and gun accessories = racist NASCAR fan
• Flying a rebel flag = ignorant redneck
• A sugary sweet low country accent = rich snob

That pretty much sums up my sentiments.

These stereotypes can do one of two things.

1. Make someone even prouder of their culture or almost spiteful. Example: "You think I'm redneck? You just wait, I will show you redneck!"
2. Make someone ashamed of their culture. Example: Me when I was 18 years old.

Until I left for college, I had never given a second thought to the fact that I was southern. It was just a part of my core, not some accessory I considered putting on each morning.

But the first week of undergrad changed everything for me.

I was talking to a friend who happened to not be from the south. He was looking at me funny so I stopped talking.

He said, "You sound so uncivilized when you speak. Are you stupid?"

After that, I was always self-conscious of my accent. Don't get me wrong, I love my accent, but there are many situations when I will purposely tone it down to ensure an incident like that never happens again.

I think my accent, and the southern accent in general, is beautiful. I am proud of what each word represents, because each word, no matter how redneck or nonsensical*, represents a part of my heritage.

However, I am an intelligent person and I never want to give someone an unjust reason to believe I am anything else. Like wearing blue jeans to a job interview - it's all about how you present yourself.

With all that said, I was very entertained the other day when I mentioned to a friend that I do, in fact, tone down my accent, especially at school.  Let's be honest, art school kids and rednecks aren't really on the same page linguistically.

Me: "Yea, I almost always tone down my accent."

Her: "Like right now? 

Me: "Yea, why?"

Her: "Wow."

And here I thought I was flying under the radar... bless my heart!

Examples of nonsensical southern words I use almost daily:

• Airish (Example: It's a bit airish outside today.)
• Directly (Example: I'm running to the store, be back directly.)
• Mess (in terms of amounts) (Example: I just bought me a mess of sweet taters.)
• Fixin' (verb) (Example: I'm fixin' to run to town. Yuns need anything?)
• Settin' (Example: I was settin' in that chair.)

Deb Who? Debutante!

Let me clear one thing up. I was not a deb (debutante).

I am not tan. I cuss a lot. And if I'm going to get dolled up and wear a white dress I had better have more than an "escort" by my side.

Typical Debutante Ball Gown

As with most things I discuss on this blog, the debutante tradition is not just in the south. It's even done in London for Christ's Sake.

However, in the southern world, it's basically a requirement for all true, honest to God, southern belles to be a debutante.

Notice the southern tradition?

So, you might ask, what exactly is a debutante and why is it such a big deal?

Glad you asked! Traditionally, debutante balls, also known as cotillion balls or coming out parties, were used to show society that a young woman was eligible for marriage.

Nowadays they are used to present a girl of high social standing to society as "adults." And where I am from, you MUST be of high social standing and usually around 16-18 years old.

Get 'em while they're young guys!

The balls are usually elaborate affairs and can include junior debs (it's like a trial run for them) and even flower girls! It can be very bridezilla-esque.

Bridezilla? I think yes!

I know this all sounds very shallow, but there is an upside! In fact, there are two upsides.

1) The balls usually raise money for a charity of some sort. (See?  Not totally selfish!)

2) It's a tradition!  Who wouldn't want to put on a frilly dress and let everyone raise money for a charity just because a girl became a woman?

Oh, and as a fun fact most of you probably already knew, men are known as Beaus.

Sometimes I wish I had been a debutante (more on that later). But alas, in southern years* I am basically an old maid. Not exactly Debutante material anymore!

If you weren't a debutante but wish you would have been, bless your heart (and my own)!


*Southern years are similar to dog years in which southern women live their lives twice as quickly as women in other regions.  More on that later.

Water into wine? No, Let's Make Tobacco into Wine!

North Carolina is the number one tobacco producing and cigarette manufacturing state in the country.

North Carolina also just celebrated the opening of their 100th winery.

Courtesy of zazzle.com

Courtesy of post-gazette.com

How did North Carolina make the leap from tobacco to wine? Well, I'm glad you asked.

It was not a leap at all. The only thing that changed was that the rest of the country realized North Carolina could grow grapes. And since the decline of the tobacco industry, North Carolina has slowly transitioned its industry to meet the changing market, which meant out with failing tobacco farms and in with wineries! 

But Southerners already had a legacy of homemade wine. From a young age, I drank it and moonshine, which is another conversation altogether.

The late Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton
(My family's old moonshiner with his homemade still)
Photo courtesy of the Appalachian Traveler

And let's be honest, southerners like to drink. And southerners, especially North Carolinians, like to manufacture and farm, so I'm not completely sure why it was such a shock t the rest of the country when we, as a state, began to sell our wine.

Given our heritage of bootleggin' and moonshine, the only thing I can understand to be shocking is that we would want to sell our alcohol legally.

Well, California may be the most notorious wine state with the infamous Napa Valley, but North Carolina has the Yadkin Valley and the difference goes far beyond the grapes.

Here is a list of observations gathered by my father, a seasoned winery-goer in both areas:

Napa Valley Wineries (some of these may be the exception, not the rule):

• The limo parking is in front of the handicap parking
• You have to make an appointment for a wine tasting
• A tasting costs around $50 and you don't get to keep the glass
• You don't get to meet the owner or the wine-maker

Yadkin Valley Wineries (almost all of these are the rule, not the exception):

• Most parking lots are gravel or dirt
• There is a good chance fiddle/banjo music will be playing in the background.
• A tasting cost around $5-8 and you get to keep the glass.
• The owner or wine-maker usually gives the tasting.
• If you are from North Carolina, there is a good chance you will find out you are related to the owner or someone who is in that winery.

For those who feel the need to drink fancy wine, bless your heart. I'll take my country Yadkin Valley wine any day!

Is There Something in the Water?

When I was younger there was a phenomenon that occurred in my high school.  It scared naive girls, made fathers everywhere nauseous and caused a lot of people to quit drinking the water (figuratively speaking of course).

The phenomenon was... (drumroll please)... teen pregnancy!

Before you protest, I am aware of many things:

1) This does not just happen in the south, but we do have the highest rates
2) Thanks to similar childhood experiences and shows like Teen Mom, most people are jaded about the subject
3) It isn't really a phenomenon

All that aside, let's continue on.

Now in my high school, the girls were not particularly slutty and the boys were not particularly promiscuous... at least no more than the kids at other high schools in the area.  Our parents taught us strong family values and most people went to church real regular.  Yet, somehow, our school had exponentially more pregnancies.

Some schools were good at football.  Some schools were good at basketball.  We were good at masonry, baseball and pregnancy.  Two out of three isn't bad, right?

The other fact that still intrigues me is that most of the girls who got pregnant did not marry the "baby-daddy."  When people think of teen pregnancy, or at least when I think of teen pregnancy in the religious south, I always assumed that marriage was a given.  With that said, I applaud those girls who did not rush into a marriage just because of a child.

But given that the only thing that outnumbered churches in our town was... well nothing, I also assumed that most father's would have strongly encouraged these young men to "do the right thing."  And since we're talking about redneck country, "strongly encouraged" means aiming a shotgun at the boys private parts.  Nothin' like a little gentle persuasion.

It's also intriguing the way teen pregnancy is viewed where I'm from.  I have 3 best friends from my high school with whom I am still close.  I'm in graduate school, one girl is in law school, one girl is getting her CPA and the other girl has a culinary degree and is also in cosmetology school.  We're the cream of the crop for our county.  And amidst stunning academic records and bright futures, the thing we are most proud of is the fact that we managed to make it through middle school, high school, college and early adulthood without getting pregnant out of wedlock. (And yes, in today's society, it was necessary to include middle school)

I'm not sure why that is such a feat.  I'm also not quite sure how we managed to not get pregnant given the obvious fertility of our teen counterparts.  Personally, I think it's because we never drank the water.

For those who made North Carolina an abstinence only state, bless your heart.

The Old Southern Way of Life

They say that when they are little, every girl wants to marry her father.  Well I don't know who "they" are, but they are right about one thing - I want to marry a man who is southern like my father.  I also want to be a southern woman like my mother.  To me, they are the epitome of old southern.

So what is old southern?  Well, I'm glad you asked.

To me, old southern is a way of life.  I think that a lot of southerners today just want the title of southern so they can throw a rebel flag in the back of their truck and not be accountable for knowing its historical significance.  I'm pretty sure that if Nathan Bedford Forrest were alive he would be mighty confused about how things are going down these days.  I digress.

What makes my father a true southern gentleman is hard to pinpoint.  I attribute it mostly to his actions and his language (he is fluent in old southern phrasing, which is not to be confused with old man speak).

He would never dream of letting me open a door for myself.

He would never dream of letting me (or anyone I bring with me) pay for anything, but he does appreciate the offer.

He calls every woman he knew as a child "lady."  As in, "My mom was friends with a real nice lady..."

He rarely walks in front of me.

All of these actions and words show the utmost respect for me, but he's this way with any woman.  It's a type of respect southern men had for southern women that is unfortunately slowly falling by the wayside.  

And bless her heart, my mother is cut from the same old southern cloth.  Since I was a young girl she has unconsciously groomed me to be a perfect wife and run an impeccable household.

I know the proper way to clean a house.

I know how to organize a fabulous dinner party (and I own a variety of serving sets in different patterns so every occasion is as color coordinated as possible).

I know every hilarious southern phrase invented (mostly church related as are most southernisms) so that I can always sound like a lady.  (Examples: Heavens to Betsy, Lordy Be, Holy Moses, Christ Almighty...)

Sidenote: For the record, I have no idea who Betsy is or why we associate her with heaven, but it's sure a fun phrase to say!

On the surface, all of my mother's actions show how to be a docile woman that tends to the house and men, but when it's a lifestyle lived, you realize that it's not about docility, it's about respect.

All of this shows the contradictory nature of the south, especially the old south.  Men treat women as though they are the backbone of southern society.  Women conduct their lives so as to make sure the men can be manly and not worry with "woman's work" as my uncle calls it.

It's a perfect collision of respect and love that I don't see or feel as much in today's south.  That's why I want to marry a man that is old southern like my father and why I want to be a good southern woman like my mother. 

If you've never encountered a true southern woman or man, well then bless your heart!